PS.... No, I do not soberly miss you.

So, as usual, I'm eavesdropping on the conversation next to me on the subway. Riding the 'orange line' everyday has fully made me aware of just how lazy I've become. Pulling my iPod out has become a task. To keep myself amused, I listen to other peoples conversations. Now, these two girls are talking about their failed New Years Resolutions. I've never big on these so-called "resolutions", but their conversation sparked some interest in me. Just what would be mine? For me... what would really improve my life? I've taken 5 things, that have actually affected my life in some way and I've come up with: Sarah's 5 Resolutions for a Better, Happier, More Efficient Life in 2011:

1) Stop sending such grammatically accurate text messages while intoxicated.
For the singular reason that the person getting these messages then doesn’t actually know that the correspondence was one of nostalgia, and/or tendencies brought on entirely by my 3 good friends.... Goose (when I’m lucky), Ketel One (my party acquaintance, really) and Jacquin (yes, that oh so cheap and excellence in a handle, who usually hangs out with me most nights in the form of a vodka-cranberry).

Anyways, what I'm really trying to say is this: No, I do not soberly miss you.

What’s really going on is that I am fucking wasted, to be blunt, or clearly on my way to getting there, and still have your number (fine, technically that’s my fault).

I’m sorry, I really am, which is why this is probably the number one priority to fix in 2011.

2) Stop mentally correcting grammar mistakes on my facebook mini-feeds.
One of my good friends is a film major, he always says it's ruining his porn watching. He says he can't help trying to fix the horrible editing in the scenes. I feel the same way about Journalism and facebook. This resolution also seems pretty obvious, although I have to admit this might be the toughest one to follow for me. Some people’s hardest resolution will be exercising, mine will be trying to get over the fact that some college graduates still, more often than not, don't know the difference between, 'their', 'there', and 'they're'.


3) Never run out Luna di Luna.... in pinot grigio form, that is.
This is pretty self-explanatory, obviously, but is there a worse feeling then attending class all day, dealing with the citizens of Philadelphia on the subway and/or street, slow walkers, small dogs under your feet, the smell by City Hall, trying to get pizza and having a bum try to steal it, your boss that thinks your name is Sally, your iPod dying when you still have a 6 block walk, no lighter, your best friend is drunk by 4pm, you're counting dimes in the 7-11, apartment electrical fires, elevators down and having to walk up 17 flights, arriving home rather tired, mentally worn down, and physically strained,(city life is tough), only to find that your one glimmer of hope that had kept your mind sound all day, the reward for keeping up all of those appearances cannot be made because there’s not even enough pinot left to even rinse your mouth out with.....

For those that don’t believe in drinking during the weekday, not only am I, primarily, taking pity on your dull, lackluster life, I think you will regret this decions when you're 40 yrs old with a couple kids, and a shitty job. Just sayin'....

4)Beat my Boyfriend in Scrabble
This is actually pretty important to me... I'm slightly competitive, with age, I'm realizing more and more some situations are out of my control. So, I guess you could say I'm getting better at losing..... Except in Scrabble. These leads me to my next resoultion....

My boyfriend and I are patio-dwelling, back-porch-sitting, turn-off-our-cell-phones, cut ourselves off from everything, kind of couple. We don't do double dates and everything we do is pretty much one-on-one, our idea of a fun weekend would be hiking the Grand Canyon.... in other words, we're pretty anti-social. So most of our time spent together is sitting on his back patio, either reading or playing some sort of game. The most recent game has been Scrabble... and I lose every freaking time. I'll come up with words like, 'bookcase', 'megaphone', 'cat'. On the other side of the board we have words like, 'callipygian', 'sesquipedalian', and his new favorite from last week, 'harlequin'. I swear he cheats, and I'm really not sure how. So, I promise you, next year I'll have the leading rank in Scrabble, and if not, damn it to Hell, more Chess.

5) Stop singing 80s music at the bar
I don't know about you and your friends, but mine, when we go out, we are there for one purpose, and one purpose only: spend the least amount of money while getting the drunkest we possibly can get. We're usually so good at this, that I'm not afraid to admit some of the extreme measures we have gone to achieve this goal. Like, smuggling in a handle of cheap tequila (Jacquin's, of course), then buying the cheapest beer at the bar(which always works out to be in a can) and pour tequila shots in the empty can for your pleasure all night. Or, sitting at the bar, right in front of the beer tap, and when the bartender looks away... filling yourself up with some liquid goodness. (Trust me, it is, in fact, always sunny in Philadelphia) And of course, something we've all done, and probably the easiest.... guys will buy girls drinks. Free booze will always, I repeat, always, taste better.

Now as we have always been taught... actions always have consequences. These actions have no exception... by this time of free booze, I'm a mess. Practicing my "sexy" face in the bathroom, quoting 'Sunny' to random strangers who come into the bathroom, or singing Sublime.... and now here comes the killer. As you're going over your love letter to Chase Utley in the bathroom mirror, and you hear it. First you're not sure, it's a little muffled by toilets flushing and crying girls, but just enough to hear the faint, "Bump- Bump, bump, bump!!" You're off, half-way up the stairs, punching left and rights, while knocking the girl down the stairs. Now, you get to your friend, and almost in unison: "It's the eye-of-the-tiger, it's the thrill of the fight!", Screaming, doing your best Rocky impression to the guy who was buying me drinks all nights, and probably now questioning such actions. (I now, after the heavy drinking, resemble Tommy Gunn)

But, to my surprise, the bar does a total 180 on your ass, "Shot through the heart, and you're too late!!!!" This will be the death of me. Here I am. Drunk and pissed off. Thinking of all the people who have fucked me over in the past. I'm drunk, pissed off-- in a non-smoking atmosphere. I say 'fuck it...', light-up to the rhythm of the chorus. Not only have I managed to clean out everyone near us, (which I've been told by my somewhat, "loud, sloppy singing"). The guy next to me is gone as well, realizing the odds of me trying to fight him are greater than him "getting lucky". The bouncer comes over and yells at me for smoking. I, being the drunk I am, argues, telling him, "I'm sick of people treating me like shit..... You give love a bad name!!" I continue my rant and smoking....and soon, thrown out. But for some reason, I can't help but feel victorious as a stumble out of the bar, cigarette still in hand, clapping to the ending of the last chorus of, 'Shot Through the Heart'.

80s music is ruining my social life. I hope to change this in 2011

Sidenote:
I can’t say I have wishes of eating better, of exercising more, of losing those goddamn 10 little pounds, of networking within my field in hopes of a job, of being less competitive, of trying to reduce my carbon footprint, of making less caustic comments,etc. etc. etc...., but would you expect all that kind of nonsense from me? I think not.