Jeopardy is painful to watch. I'm serious.... it is physically unbearable for me to watch. For many reasons. This Jeopardy paradox happened to me about about 3 months into my Junior year at college in Philadelphia. I just moved into a brand new apartment on the 17th floor in the heart of Center City. In turn of an amazing view and a even more amazing nightlife, I had to deal with a cable-less apartment. Not that this is so bad. However, my channels consist of the basic 3, 6, 10. During dinner I had the options of watching either TMZ or Jeopardy...as much as a would love to know if Lindsay or Britney were wearing panties last night... I'll have to go with Jeopardy.
I've watched Jeopardy before, however not to the extent that I would begin throughout my Junior year. Everything started off fine. I'd start making my dinner in my small, studio apartment. Alex Trebik would come out introduce the contestants, which always went like this,
"Bradley Kull of Long Beach, California...Ophthalmologist." "Karen Murphy of Chicago, Illinois....lawyer." "Tyler Bennett of Bangor, Maine...substitute teacher."
Red flag number one. Here we go...
Half way through the show, Karen is wiping the floor with the doctor and the teacher.
Tribek: "The title of this award winning 1963 film refers to the number of films it's director felt he had made to that point."
Karen: "What is 8 1/2"
Tribek: "Correct. A long fellow poem and a Lillian Hellman's play about a girls boarding school share this timely title."
Karen: "What is the children's hour."
GOD DAMMIT KAREN!!! Now, I begin to dislike her.
You've all seen this, the constants answers the questions matter-of-factly, while the other constants clap and look around nervously. To this day, there is always one person on Jeopardy that I can't stand. By this time, I am quoting Dane Cook, "YOU ARE THE FRIEND THAT NO BODY LIKE!!!"
Tribek: "In this 1989 comedy, directed by Ted Kotcheff, I was "walking" around the Hampton's Island with 2 friends, but really I was dead."
Tyler: "Who is Bernie, from 'Weekend At Bernie's'."
YES, TYLER, YES!!!!! Come on! I begin picking favorites by the questions they know. Tyler, now out of negative digits, begins to get a confidence boost and is starting to stand up straighter, buzzer ready in hand. Karen does not like this.
Obviously, Tyler has absolutely no chance but Karen doesn't like the fact that she isn't the one answering the questions. I watch intensively, waiting for the next questions, while my boyfriend, Kerwin, sits next to me. We come to another reason why I can't watch Jeopardy. While watching it with someone, there is always that unspoken competition. In my case, Kerwin vs. Sarah. Boyfriend vs. Girlfriend. Man vs. Woman. Who will know more questions? Who is smarter? The competition isn't always about who will win on the TV screen, but more of which who will be the winner in your own living room. You start making crazy rules like, "WHAT?? You can't answer yet...he didn't read the whole questions!" Or, "You forgot to say the 'what" you are wrong." Or maybe you've tried pulling, "No, I'm pretty sure mine is right, they are the ones that are wrong...Google it, I swear." Maybe I hate it because...I do really suck at trivia. Which leads into my next painful epiphany about Jeopardy.
Now, the category is "Beer". It starts.
Tribek: "I have the logo of the Rocky Mountains on my cans."
I scream, WHAT IS COORS!! COORS!!!!!!!!!
"When I first came out in 1884, they tied blue ribbons around every bottle, giving me this name."
OH MY GOD, WHAT IS PBR...HOW COULD THEY NOT KNOW THIS!!!
Tribek: "First introduced in the Netherlands in 1873, I was named after my owner Gerard Adriaan."
What is Heineken!! Oh my god they're so stupid!"
There I was, killing the lawyer, the doctor, and the teacher. I felt so proud. Glorified that I just knew every single question. Then I realized, I just answered every single questions right...about beer, while I was struggling to answer at least 5 questions right throughout the whole show. Kerwin sits there, shaking his head at me. It starts to sink in. Jeopardy has taught me this: I'm a 22 year old college student and all i have to show for is that, I know the logos on every beer can out there. Awesome. I stopped watching Jeopardy that day.
